LIFE ON LIFES TERMS

I kind of went off and vented in my last blog and I took some time to think about all I had written and all I had been feeling and I finally took care of it and spoke to the guy and resolved what had been going on . Yes we are a couple but we also have a deep friendship that is important to both of us we respect each other a great deal and we love and care for each other very much but we are not in love with each other which we are both okay with . Where we are at now is where we both need to be . We each have issues from past relationships that we are carrying so we perfectly understand and we are on the same page which is a great thing.
I am officially a student at Nassau Community College I registered last week and I went to Freshman Orientation today . Very very exciting had a great day all went well . Then I get home and got knocked off my ass something from the past came back and bit me in the ass big time and totally screwed me financially . I am in limbo with regards to many things right now and I am just trying to deal with life on lifes terms . I am eternally grateful to be sober because if I wasn't this would of DEFINITELY made me go out and drink . Sad but true , I am, extremely grateful to have AA in my life , without it I would be either in jail , institutionalized, or dead .
I am real down on myself because I just got on my feet and I was on a huge cloud 9 today and this thing happened and it really is my own fault because I should of taken care of it but I kept putting it off and now I am just devastated . I am just going to pray that it all works out and do whatever damage control I can do to make this right .

A NEW YEAR

Happy 2008 to all my fellow bloggers ! I stopped making New Year resolutions about two years ago , people have been asking me what was my resolution , whether I want to know or not they have been telling me their resolutions which I couldn't give two shits about . What is the big deal about a resolution most people try to do something positive and it usually lasts about a month or so and then right back to the same old shit .
I quit smoking 4 years ago on a New Years resolution and the actual date that I remember is Jan 7th of 2004 but I had a cigarette here and there until about I think March of 2004 .
I think it's a positive thing but it is only positive if you stick with it and most people don't human nature comes into play as does sheer will power . You either have it or don't .

I am in a cranky mood and have been thinking way too much about the guy , I am considering ending it because I am tired of being someones booty call and I am tired of being called his
" friend" WTF is that ? 4 months and that's what I am reduced to . I don't even rate a phone call or text message for New Years ! that has been bothering me a great deal I can't seem to get past it and my daughter tells me I have every right to be hurt and pissed off and at this point I should just walk away. Decisions , decisions ....
I have also been a generous person with people I care about , sometimes too generous and I need to curb that because it honestly gets me nowhere but getting my feelings hurt and feeling like I just don't matter .
Well enough self pity it isn't an attractive quality but I seriously needed to vent outside of the rooms and this was the place to do it .
I am beginning at Nassau community college in mid January and I am getting excited I am meeting with an advisor this Friday to go over my classes and get all the last minute details settled . That is the most positive thing I am looking forward to doing this year . It is going to be a huge undertaking but I am confident I can handle it .